At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
