hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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