So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
