Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
