I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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