Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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