i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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