You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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