All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
