My hand turned me down
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
