i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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