Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
