no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
