I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
