We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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