Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
