Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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