turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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