I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
