Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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