you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
