I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
