currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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