I think im going to throw up on grandma
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I am mentally ready for anal.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
