My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
