there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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