Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
