why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
