Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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