No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
