I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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