but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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