I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
