I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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