So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
