i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
