Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just pee around me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
God I need to hump something, right now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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