Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
how drunk are you?
Several
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
