doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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