apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
