ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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