I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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