My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
