if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
