my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
