Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
