I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
