It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
