I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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