That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
