my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
