it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
