Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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