Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
