a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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