It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
