Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
