i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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