you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
