New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am naked and annoyed.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
