I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
