my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
