Got a toothbrush?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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