This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
