dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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