I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
