So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
