the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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