At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
