you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
