God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
